The Difference between Envy and Jealousy – J. A Kusi
No, they are not the same! They are not the same in the same way identical twins are not the same. Jealousy is a strong emotion of longing and resentment aroused in a person because they fear they are going to lose something that belongs to them to another. Envy on the other hand is a pain felt at the sight of someone’s good. In other words, jealousy is directed at what one has herself, whereas envy is focused on what the other has. Jealousy is a fear, and envy a pain.
For example, Saul was jealous of David because he felt David was a threat to his throne, but he was at the same envious of David because David was a hero for killing Goliath.
Jealousy is a kind of fear which resents another because it feels the other wants to take what it has, and so it longingly hold on to it. Jealousy is not harmful if controlled, but it can unleash a fury of ugly feelings in a person if not regulated, and even drive a person to madness or to kill. In this way, it is similar to envy. Envy is almost always destructive because it wants to undo or outdo the other. What envy cannot outdo, it secretly wishes to destroy.
Being jealous of a person does not mean you are envious of them. If someone is taking away the attention of your best friend or spouse, you may resent them without feeling pain at their good fortune. Envy however has sentiments of jealousy in it, in terms of a pained longing and the feeling that their success or blessing is taking away
something from you; your happiness, satisfaction, peace of mind or self-esteem.
The twin emotions of jealousy and envy are similar in many respects; both are seen as petty feelings, both are strong and difficult emotions to have, and they both put a strain on human relationships. Also, both are rooted in personal pain and insecurity and therefore feel shameful to admit. They share a common personnel of feelings, sins and acts; anger, self-loathing, insecurity, offence, defensiveness, pettiness, hatred, malice, wickedness, evil thoughts, murder; the Bible says both jealousy and envy are cruel. Each robs a person of the capacity to think clearly and act reasonably.
Perhaps, there is none so eaten by envy as the one who desires to be envied, and stops at nothing to stir up envy in others. I am sure you know the feeling of a friend or acquaintance who walks up to you and says, “How are you?” You say “How are you” back, and as if waiting their cue on stage, they begin, “I just returned from my travels around the world. I flew first class. My new car has arrived, my children just switched schools to the best school in the city. I have more money this year than I know what to do with.”
You almost feel uncomfortable listening to the person rave on and wonder what it has to do with the conversation. Then you begin feeling guilty because you realize you are not excited for them. Well, the cat is out of the bag; someone filled with envy was deliberately trying to infect you and gain satisfaction from your unhappy look.
Never ever envy a person who is so insecure as to flaunt their possessions in your face. A man who forces you to know about his wealth is a beggar. The only difference between him and the poor beggar is that the poor shows you his poverty to beg the alms of your guilt, whereas the rich shows you his wealth to beg the alms of your envy. It is truly the lowest depravity to crave another’s envy to satisfy yours. He is poorer than poor who cannot enjoy the bread of his wealth without the butter of your envy. When tempted to envy this way, pity instead.
#Excerpts from my new book, ENVY (Coming Out Soon).
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